After all, this is a pizza incident, which makes it all vanished.
Honestly, it may not be surprising.
He is very attractive, very handsome, and makes me feel like a princess I never wanted to be.
Within two weeks I knew that I would marry him, I left the country we met in incredible loss, but I knew, Absolutely know, In any case, we will be together.
We are a fairy tale romance, We can tell our grandchildren the kind. Two foreigners met in a third country and fell in love. We got engaged in a few months. He loves me so enthusiastically; it’s a love I never knew I deserved.
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I have spent countless money traveling between our countries. I paid for his degree because he needed the paper when he finally got here. I paid his rent, so he doesn’t have to work, he can focus on studying.
Finally, news came: his visa was approved. He is coming.
I hurriedly completed the wedding plan, including a bigger bridal party, because he wanted a bigger wedding. I rented an expensive apartment for us to live in because he likes the location of this city. I bought him a brand new wardrobe because his clothes are really inappropriate here.
We got married. Oh my God, what a beautiful day. The priest’s joke, the groom’s tears, oh, but how much I love him.
Then the Pisa incident happened.
After we got married for two and a half months, I begged him to leave the apartment. Leave me alone. Forever, forever, never talk to me again.
My ex-husband is unfaithful to me. To be honest, I’m not sure one day in our relationship he is true to me. I know he was unfaithful to him when he was abroad. When I paid the rent, I found him living with another woman. Vacation with her. Love her. I received a lot of information, and other women told me that they found me later. They were sorry, but I should know who I was married to.
I ignored most of them. I just don’t want to deal with them. Some, I confronted him, and he denied it. It was never him, it was his enemy who framed him, it was the girl he rejected.
Of course, I know there are other things that make me worry about him-he refuses to work, even though the university vacation is very long, to help us financially. He can’t, he will tell me, he is just because this semester is too stressful, and all my nagging upset him. Can’t I leave him alone and buy him a ticket for a week-long vacation?
But I know, my goodness, how do I know that love like ours will be in these… difference. When we are finally together forever, everything will be fine.
Besides that, he is still here, and I remember seeing him go out with a woman that night. Of course, he told me it was not him, I made it up, imagine him there, because I always wanted to see his harm. Why can’t I leave him alone? Why should I be so terrible to him?
I believe in him. Or, I convince myself that I did it, because if I were not with him, who would I be? Out of fear of losing him, I became obsessed. Then I flipped through his phone.
Yes it is. It is exactly what I have done. I did all the things that everyone said you shouldn’t do. This is how I found out that he had an affair-emphasizing the plural. This is how I found out that he messaged women on Tinder on our wedding day.
I will never forget the time he told me it was my fault. All of this-from his having an affair (and denying that he had an affair) to his not working. Tinder on the wedding day? He is just very friendly, say hello, why don’t I want him to have friends? All this is my fault, I always accept it and believe in him. I am lucky to have such a handsome man who loves me like him. If he doesn’t love me, why should he be with me?
My self-worth became so low, his gas lamp became stronger and stronger, and I believed everything he told me.I know if I can be quieter, kinder, more peaceful, somehow more all, with Also missing everything, Then we will be fine. I didn’t tell my friend what happened. How can I tell them the man I love, the man I fight for, and the man I marry-so unbelievably unfaithful? Maybe he is a bit abusive?
I am a feminist. I am educated. I support victims of domestic violence. This shouldn’t happen to me. Look, He can’t beat me, right?
I tell myself everything so I can stay. So he will stay.
Until I snapped. Lift my lid. Lost my shit. Absolutely derailed. I call it the pizza incident. I brought us pizza for dinner. Mine is vegetables. He ate my leftovers the next day and kept them for later. Knowing that I can’t eat him… it looks like this… so stingy now, but at that moment I realized how thorough his disrespect for me was. It is so symbolic of what is happening. Not a business. Not lying. It’s not that we didn’t spend money on dates with other women, but my pizza. I can handle the rest in some way, but not my pizza.
I am about to break down, both physically and emotionally, I have received enough treatment in my life to know this. I told him it was all over. I finished.
We fought.He tried his best to keep me because he Love me very much. He is willing to ignore all my problems because He is such a good person. Except that things did not stop, the gas light did not stop.
But I cannot persuade him to move out. So I forced him into another bedroom. He would keep telling me how I was abused, I was crazy, I was the problem-but he was willing to ignore this because he loved me so much. We can solve it because he wants to.
The women’s help service made me close the part where I refused to see who he was, but helped me overcome the signs of domestic violence, the signs I knew, and I helped other women. But I still need to weigh what I know, what he did to me, and the fact that he still lives with me. I’m still traumatized enough to believe it is my fault, I can’t make him homeless, not what I did to him, right? So I will take a walk at 3 in the morning. I take a nap in the car for a few hours at a time. I survived.
Then… then he finally left. Except for the real form, he is not. He will call. He will send a message. He will tell me that he is outside the apartment. The divorce was finally finalized-he wanted the divorce because he told me I was so abusive and terrible, but he refused to sign the divorce papers-he kept calling. The police finally asked him to leave me alone—he blamed me.
Why am I telling you this now?
Because I didn’t leave my husband, because I didn’t love him. I love him more, and I know it is possible. I left him because if I stayed, I would not survive, not because he would kill me, because I still think he would not, but because I knew my heart was dying. I don’t want to die. Not for him.
I’m telling you this because emotional abuse is insidious. It appears surreptitiously, but there are signs and red flags.
I tell you this, because this happens to all kinds of women. To me, to your best friend, to your sister. For women.
Know them, learn from them. Don’t be afraid to walk away. Whether it’s falling in love or getting married. Whether you are married for one day or twenty years.
Even if your love story is the biggest love story in your life, it is not necessarily forever. Not when it is abused. If it is “just” emotional abuse, it won’t. Don’t stay until he beats you, until he rapes you. Understand your own value, respect yourself, and then leave. Bring your damn pizza.
If you need help, please contact 1800 RESPECT or your local domestic violence service.