Marriage does not work (just ask Bill and Melinda)-so let me suggest some alternatives | Hadley Freeman

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A kind Already said a lot The end of Bill and Melinda Gates’ marriage, Mainly composed of people who have as much insider information as I do, that is to say, none at all. But there is really only one conclusion that can be drawn from this story: marriage does not work.

Look, I am not saying that Bill Gates is the incarnation of love.but if Two people have more houses than most people own shoes, own more farmland than any other private landowner in the United States, and own a private jet (You don’t have to fight to own an airplane and miss it!) Who can do it if it can’t be done? Of course, a successful marriage is more important than money, such as shared experiences.Okay, Bill and Melinda Vaccination world. It seems that you might restrain yourself, right? “Hey, dear, do you remember when we eliminated polio?” Like the rest of us, this is better than remembering the last vacation before the baby was born. Doesn’t that give them a warm and fuzzy feeling? As we all know, the answer is no.

According to court documents, Gates’ marriage was “Broken irreparably”If they can’t even stand the idea of ​​getting married and can only live in different houses, then they must have broken the door. Did I mention that they have many options? Hell, the two of them may be in the same house and never see each other again: The dining room in their Seattle home is 1,000 square feet, which is bigger than any apartment I’ve ever lived in. But no, they insist on an excessively expensive divorce, and I don’t blame them. I found the fear of restraining my partner legally unacceptable. However, unlike Bill and Melinda, I have always felt this way, and that is the only difference between us. Well, that’s billions.

Marriage was invented by humans when they were lucky enough to reach the age of 20 without sacrificing the sun god. People have never lived for so long like now. Of course, occasionally a few couples walked away happily: Mel Brooks with Anne Bancroft, Paul Newman With Joanne Woodward (Joanne Woodward). But almost every couple I seem to be perfect will eventually break up: Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton; Johnny Depp with Vanessa Paradis; Amy Poehler with Will Arnett. Of course, all of us have the experience of meeting friends-the friend’s 20-year marriage always refutes your cynicism about the institution, and when the spouse enters the room, the friend’s face is still lit-and they admit to you that they have An affair/exploring sex life/joining a commune/all of the above. In the current incarnation, marriage doesn’t work. Who can make other choices better than me (a person who is always happy and unmarried)?

1 piece Set legal time limit
If the marriage can only last for a maximum of seven years, then the couple will enjoy their time together. Couples who are not so happy may endure enough time until the time limit is reached without activating the nuclear divorce option, and those who do not get along well with each other can renew their visas for another seven years. Everyone won (except the divorce lawyer).

2 pcs Try “onecule”
People like it very much Many kinds These days: a group of people live together and hug each other. Someone told me that this is much calmer than I am. This is obviously the way humans should live, not monogamy. Maybe, but only if you think the solution to a baby’s struggles is to have triplets. Instead, I suggest a single way so that people can live alone and be seen as very cool to do so.

3 Join the cult
The cult seems to be a bond experience between husband and wife, just like gathering book friends together, just spending more time, but it turns out that the cult has the opposite effect. This is because cults are always related to sex. In particular, cult leaders have sex with people they like. However, if couples can join a cult that is not sex but free childcare, then their marriage will last forever.

4 Embrace the new six laws
Married six times like Henry VIII. It worked for him (eventually).

5 Just don’t do it
My partner has been with me for ten years and we are not married yet, which means we will never divorce. Every time he goes to the store, I cannot know if he will come back again because he is not bound by marriage. He may-we have three children-but maybe he will not. Is excited! Keep the spiciness. This is the real secret of longevity.

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