Can watching porn with your partner improve your sex life

problem: My husband suggested that we watch porn. I have watched porn myself in the past-although to be honest it is usually lesbian porn. I always think this is something I have to do myself. It was really embarrassing to watch with him. He thinks this will add some excitement to our sex life. I am not at all sure what to do and what to say. please give me some advices!

Reply: What I like about your question is that this is obviously something you feel a little uncomfortable with, but instead of just turning it off or avoiding it, you are looking for more information and deciding what to do.

well done. By understanding our discomfort in depth and expanding what we think we enjoy in terms of sex, many benefits can be gained. As long as we are safe and give consent in the process.

Pornography is a controversial topic. I know, because when I write this article, I will inevitably receive an inbox full of private information from people expressing their opinions. Someone told me that this is immoral, and I hate women for writing it.

I will not go into the ethics (or morals) of mainstream pornography, because that is not what you want to ask. (If others have comments on this, you are welcome to keep it yourself.)

I do want to answer some of the important questions you raised, because you are not the only one asking me this question.

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Can pornography help build relationships?

Pornography can increase desire and excitement in relationships, and can help you turn on relatively quickly when you want to have sex together.

It can also be a useful tool for discovering which sexual behaviors you are interested in-as long as it is not your only source of education.

We often view masturbation and pornography as behaviors that we should perform in secret. Sharing these practices with your partner can add a new dimension to your sexual pleasure and increase intimacy.

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Other ways to increase desire and excitement

Of course, pornography is not the only way to ignite sparks and desires. If this is what your husband is currently looking for, you can also consider:

• try Different sexual positions

• Spend longer time in foreplay

• Try body mapping

• Talk about your fantasy together

• Try to restrain

• Introduce sex toys to your bedroom

How to discuss watching porn together

I know I say this over and over again, but couples who can talk openly about sex will experience greater sexual pleasure and desire. Communication is one of the most important aspects of sex.

Although talking about such a problem can feel a little uncomfortable at first, it can also create a greater sense of security and intimacy.
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Here are some questions that may be helpful to ask each other before proceeding:

• Are you interested in pornography?

• Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable watching this content?

• What kind of pornography do you want to watch?

• What kind of sex do you want to see?

• Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable?

• What can I do to help you feel safer to do so?

• What are your expectations after watching it?

• Do you have any other questions you would like to share with me?

Make sure you feel comfortable

If you decide to do this, make sure you feel comfortable. Keep communication open, and if you try and find it doesn’t work for you, please tell your partner.

Female porn

It is common for women to be attracted to lesbian pornography for several reasons. Mainstream pornography pays little attention to women’s happiness, and is often regarded as an insult to women.

According to a survey conducted by Pornhub in 2017, the most popular search term for their entire website was “female pornography.”

Thankfully, we are now seeing the emergence of porn produced by women for women, although finding it can be challenging.

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Ethical and female-friendly pornography

Here are a few websites that I suggest you check:

Playful me

FrolicMe prides itself on sharing beautiful and elegant erotic porn with women and couples.

Make love not porn

Make Love Not Porn captures the agreed real-world sex, “In short, it is glorious, stupid, beautiful, messy, and reassuring humanity.”

beautiful

Belesa captures real, unscripted sex. Encourage performers to communicate with their partners about what they feel good about/what they like.

Isaiah McKinmi Is a couples therapist, sex therapist and sexologist.For more expert advice, please follow her Instagram.

If you have questions about Isiah, please send an email to relationship.rehab@news.com.au