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Dear OOO,
I have a colleague who always asks for my advice when navigating at work. Sometimes it’s dealing with clients, sometimes it’s about tricky relationships in the office, and sometimes it’s more general occupations. She may feel anxious about these things, and her consultation requests often require long discussions. I think this colleague is my friend and I am happy to help you, but she never really accepted my advice! Then she came back and complained about the result. And ask for more suggestions. I don’t know why she asked, because she never listened. It’s not that I think my advice is always correct-I don’t even know what I am doing, not what others should do-but it is annoying to ignore it every time. Should I tell her to ask someone else?
–Diane
Diane, I have been by your side until you say that you don’t think your advice is always right.it Yes This is really annoying when people rely on your advice and often ignore the substance. In any case, this is always annoying for me, because my advice is perfect in any situation, so anyone who ignores my advice will obviously hurt themselves by choosing the wrong path.
I’m joking (a bit…), but I do think your uncertainty is enough to explain the problem. If you anticipate that you lack confidence in your suggestions when talking to a colleague, she will not pay much attention to your ideas. Did you say to her: “I don’t even know that I am doing half of the time, let alone what others should do”?Maybe you’re weakening yourself, so she questioned what you’re talking about, just because you are Question what you are talking about.
Of course, I do not recommend exaggerating in the suggestion. This is a serious responsibility, which can only be carefully assigned to trusted friends and random Internet bloggers. When you do not actually feel 100% safe, you should not show that you feel 100% safe with answers to a sensitive topic.
So what should I do? If you have a clear answer to her plight, please speak so clearly and convincingly. If you are on the fence, please discuss your thought process with her. She may even bring you questions that you feel completely unqualified to answer, you can also tell her! Where feasible, advising others for consultation is indeed an important tool in the advice-providing toolkit, and I encourage you to use it. You said that this colleague is a good friend, so she should be honest about how confident you are in your own ideas.
However, there may be even more fundamental disconnects here.Sometimes come to your colleague or friend to beg what do I do? I really want you to answer that question. But more often, in my experience, all they really want is to discuss various options with people they trust. You seem to see the conversation seeking a specific answer, but I think your colleagues think you may be more like a sound board than an expert.
When you provide advice in a conversation rather than in a column on the Internet, the best option is to ask a lot of questions. Start with the sign of a successful romantic partnership: “Are you looking for a place to vent, or do you need advice?” Listen carefully to the answer-if she just wants to verify that another colleague is an asshole, then your opinion on how to deal with him will be unwelcome .
Even if she tells you explicitly that she wants advice, it does not necessarily mean that your role is to play the human IKEA instructional manual with numbered steps.We all Say We hope that other people will solve the problem for us, but we all realize that this actually doesn’t work. You may not be the only person she wants to ask for advice, but even if you are, you are not the most important spokesperson on this issue, but she. Therefore, add some questions that lead her to think in your question: What are you most excited about? What are you worried about? What is the best case and what is the worst case? What happened the last time you tried a similar method? At the end of your conversation, she may have clarified her thoughts, and you don’t have to give actual instructions about the dilemma you are facing.
If she hasn’t, please feel free to post your suggestions, but don’t let your self-involvement become too high. Just because she has chosen a different path does not mean that she does not appreciate your ideas. If not, she will not continue to look for you.If all other methods fail, please tell her that you are happy to help, but you know a random internet fool who is always looking for more strangers Problem to be solved.
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