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I dated a man for eight months. He has always insisted on paying for our appointments, usually for meals, and would not hear my objections. So I relax.
But he was not satisfied with the gift I bought him, and now he mentioned that he always pays for our date. He still wants to take me to the trip he paid for. I will not go. Should I pay half of the travel expenses and walk away?
-D.
Dear D.,
What is this guy expecting? You quietly deposit half of the check for eight consecutive months so you can buy him a Rolex?
You have made an important decision: you will not participate in this trip. You are walking away. You just need my help to sort out some details.
I do think you should pay half of the vacation, provided that you can afford it without causing financial hardship. However, this has nothing to do with him.
This guy obviously likes to play head games. Even if he has a fancy date with you for eight months, he won’t make you a mind reader. I suspect that even if you give him a Rolex, he will come to you for other things.
By paying half of the cost of this holiday, you can put things right in your mind. Paying for eight months of dating is your boyfriend’s choice. He is not a victim, even if he will insist otherwise.
I suggest giving him the money through Venmo or Paypal before you tell him you will not accompany him. prosperity. The discussion is over. Don’t open the door to the person you’re about to be your predecessor and wonder why you really don’t have to pay him back—and at the same time make you feel guilty for the fact that he paid for this holiday.
Try to avoid repeating the past eight months. This will become an argument, and you simply cannot win with this person.
Focus on how you feel now. Because of his constant complaints, you no longer enjoy his company. I think paying not to go on vacation with this person sends a very strong message. I have no hope that he will really hear the news. But at least you will set a record for yourself.
In the future, no matter how persistent they are, I will warn against letting someone pay for everything. Some people may insist on paying for everything because they like to treat their partner. But sometimes there is a hidden motive. It’s about their conceit, or they set ridiculous expectations of you in the process. When someone insists on paying 100% for your objection, don’t automatically interpret it as a generous message. Listen carefully. They did not hear your objection.
No matter how you handle this discussion, stick to your position. You will never date this man again. This trip is now a holiday.
Robin Hartill is Penny Hoarder’s certified financial planner and senior writer.Send your tough money questions to [email protected].
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