I am 63 years old and my man is 65 years old. We have been together for six years. He owns a self-made business with a large amount of real estate. We are all retired.
One of his two sons is using a well-thought-out transition plan to take over the company. I also have two adult sons, and they are doing well. I have no debts and own a house, and I receive a pension of $90,000 per year. I also have Roth IRA and stocks worth less than $250,000.
This is my question: If we are married, can we recommend some reading materials on how to share the cost fairly? Of course, we will have a prenuptial agreement because I have no right to own his assets. I was not involved in his efforts to establish and run this business, so it clearly belongs to his family.
We currently live in his house, in Florida in winter. All the things I provide are groceries and cables. Except for Florida bank accounts used for utilities and maintenance-related expenses, we don’t own anything in common.
I want to pay, but he won’t allow it often. He does make regular satirical comments, saying that I don’t have the money to bet on big things, such as building in Florida.
Finally, he has his and I have mine. How can we make things ours without making people think that I am a gold digger?
-Not after the money
Dear is not after,
Next time your boyfriend makes his sarcastic remarks, listen to him. Is he really talking about the big purchase he wants to make? Because it sounds like he is aiming at you. More specifically, is he talking about what he wants to do, or is he telling you what you cannot do?
If you tell your boyfriend everything you told me, it is obvious that you are not pursuing his money. You don’t need it either. You are a financially independent woman.Your assets may be less than him, but you also have $90,000 per year Pension income, This is a lifetime guarantee.No matter what happens, you will get the money stock market Or real estate value.
Before you decide how to split the cost, let me ask you: Do you really want to marry someone who makes you feel like a gold digger?
You will rarely fall in love with someone who has exactly the same net worth and income as you. Just as a person may be taller, fatter or more interesting, a person may be richer.
share the expense When a person has more money Not rocket science. You can fund your joint account based on the percentage of income you bring in. So if his income is three times yours, you will pay 25% of the total cost because you bring in 25% of the income.
But in fact, he refuses to let you pay more than cables and groceries, which is a big red flag. If you tell him you want to pay and he doesn’t listen, he won’t hear you. This may seem generous, but I am worried that he will reveal his deep conviction that you are not his equal.
If your boyfriend only speaks occasionally, you may easily ignore his words. But next time he says rude things about your finances, don’t let him get out of trouble. This can be as simple as asking “What do you mean?” Or “Why do you say that?” Force the discussion.
If your boyfriend makes these comments while discussing actual goals—such as whether the new building in Florida is what he really wants, not just a hypothesis—you can talk about the logistics of achieving it. Large purchases may be trickier than sharing expenses, because he may have more cash to put down than you. However, if this is a practical goal, there are many solutions. Maybe he can pay cash and just write his name on the contract. Or, you can apply for a mortgage and split the expenses monthly based on your income.
But if he just makes irresponsible remarks about things he can’t do with you, you need to reconsider the relationship. You will not stop your boyfriend from doing anything. Don’t let him convince you.
I think you have made it clear to your boyfriend that you are not for his money. If he still doesn’t understand, he is the person with the problem. If he wants someone with the same wealth and a large amount of cash to bet, then the potential partners he can choose are very limited. But this is his privilege. In that case, he may only need to enjoy the Florida architecture alone.
Robin Hartill is Penny Hoarder’s certified financial planner and senior writer.Send your tough money questions to [email protected].