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My partner and I have been together for 10 years. During that time, we have both had many mental and emotional struggles. It came out that he experienced sexual trauma as a child, and during that time he also had a close childhood friend die from a drug overdose. I had struggles of my own and got sober during that time.
Now, we are recommitting to our relationship. Right now, we’re in a long-distance relationship of 3,000 miles. We used to live together, but I moved back to our hometown. However, his mental health is getting worse, and it’s impacting his finances.
He’s paying rent at two places because he can’t commit to moving to one place. His job doesn’t pay him well. He doesn’t budget for food and just goes out to eat every day since he feels too unwell to cook.
We had a trip planned to Europe. Now he can’t afford to go, even though we are staying with friends for free and only have to pay for our $600 tickets. He won’t get therapy because he’s scared, but also I think he thinks it’s too expensive.
We’re both in our mid-twenties and equally financially unstable when it comes to day-to-day responsibilities. Neither of us is actively paying off our credit cards. However, I have some money from a trust fund.
Should I be more understanding? Or, how could I suggest he moves home to save money when I don’t understand his financial struggles since I have a nest egg? How can we have a future when he is so financially unstable?
-K.
Dear K.,
Your dilemma isn’t, “How can we have a future when he is so financially unstable?” The real question is, “How can we have a future when he is so unstable?” And I’m not sure that you can, at least right now.
You say your partner’s worsening mental health is affecting his finances. I’m guessing it’s affecting every other aspect of his life as well. Money troubles are often just a symptom of a much bigger sickness.
Sometimes, focusing on financial problems is easiest…
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