My Live-in Partner Owns a Home. Does He Owe Me Half for Bills?

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Dear Penny,

My partner and I have been together for 15 years, but not really living together. We both own our own homes, mortgage-free. Our financial situation is similar in terms of net worth.

Because of my partner’s health issues, at the outset of COVID we decided to have him move in with me, as he could avoid grocery shopping, etc. We thought COVID would be a short-term issue.

My partner and I split all grocery costs and meals out, along with the costs for a biweekly cleaning woman (floors only) and our cat’s expenses. I pay for everything else: cable, utilities, repairs that come up, association fees.

I do all the grocery shopping and 99% of dinner prep, cleaning and organizing. My partner feels he should not need to pay to live with me, as he has his own home and expenses. He said, “OK, you can split the cost for my home then.” His son will inherit his home someday, so selling it is out of the question.

-P.

Dear P.,

Is this really about the money? Or is it about the unequal amount of effort you’re investing?

Perhaps it made sense for you to do tasks like grocery shopping back when COVID cases were exploding. But are your partner’s health issues so severe that he can’t cook a meal or organize a closet?

But let’s focus on the bills for a moment. If you were roommates renting an apartment, it would make sense to split everything down the middle. No one has an investment in that space. The money you pay buys you a place to live, and that’s that.

It becomes trickier when you share space and you each own homes. The homes you bought aren’t just living spaces. If you sold your home tomorrow for three times what you paid, presumably, your partner wouldn’t be entitled to a dime.

This is a topic that reasonable people can certainly disagree about. But I think it makes sense for you to be solely responsible for the fixed costs of homeownership.

You’ve paid off your mortgage, which is the biggest expense…

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