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My 25-year-old daughter moved home while I was taking care of my mother with Alzheimer’s disease. Because I don’t live there, she never pays the rent, but she does pay for the internet and gas.
Well, now things are progressing, I want to sell my mother’s house. I am currently building a room at home because she will also live there.
As a single mom, I have been helping my children. But my daughter listened to her grandmother, and she sadly told her that even if she just started working and wanted a $800,000 house, she would have to sign a mortgage for her. I told her NO.
I went on to say that her grandma knew this was an unrealistic request. I will retire in three years, if not earlier, I still have my own very manageable mortgage. I will have pension and social security payments, and only need to rent a car to pay.
Now they are considering asking me to co-sign again in a year or so. Tell her no, am I wrong? I am also considering selling the house and moving back to the east with my mother, where she grows up to be closer to her elderly siblings.
Now my daughter is very upset. She said that if I don’t help her get a mortgage, she will have nowhere to go. At this time of our lives, paying more attention to me and my mother, am I wrong?
I have done everything I can for my daughter, but I don’t like her and her father’s mom trying to make me feel guilty. I know she can’t afford an apartment in California, but it’s not my fault.
-Frustrated mom
Dear frustration,
Today, your daughter is not the only one struggling with housing costs. No one knows what the solution is.But I’m pretty sure moms shouldn’t join and sign together so that their grown-up children can Purchase overpriced homes.
If you think you are depressed right now, imagine how you feel when you are facing a $800,000 mortgage. I say “when” instead of “if”, because your daughter may not be able to pay a loan of this size. Not many 25-year-olds can afford so many houses for an entry-level salary.
I’m not sure what happened to your daughter and her grandmother. Maybe grandma wants to treat you as a bad person.But it’s also possible that grandma doesn’t understand how serious the consequences are Error in co-signing.
It really doesn’t matter what your daughter’s grandmother thinks. This is your money and your credit. Of course, this will not prevent her from expressing opinions on how you use your money and credit. But you really shouldn’t spend any energy worrying about any nonsense she tells your daughter.
If you need to confirm your decision, this is why you made the right decision by rejecting it: Obviously, this amount of debt may endanger your retirement life. However, even if your daughter pays as promised, co-signing her mortgage will make it harder for you to borrow money.The lender considers your Debt-to-income ratio In their decision, the mortgage will be treated as your own because you have been implicated in the law.
But it’s not just about your retirement. Co-signing a house that she cannot afford is a great harm to your daughter. We build courage by not getting anything we want when we want it. In addition, it is much easier to learn how to live with less money at the age of 25 than at the age of 35 or 45.
I will allow you to have another discussion to make sure everything is clear. The most important thing is to make sure that you have told your daughter that after a year your answer is still “no” in all caps. Tell her that this is the last time you have this kind of discussion.
If she mentions it again, tell her, “I’m not going to discuss this with you.” Repeat again as needed, even if it means you have to get out of the room.
As for how to deal with your life situation, please make a decision based on the way that suits you and your mother. Your daughter has many options to find a place to live. If she still lives with you, she can start saving part of her salary without paying the rent.She can also find a roommate and bear sideline, Or move to a cheaper state.
Your mother’s care and your upcoming retirement should be your focus now. Your daughter doesn’t need a $800,000 house. What she needs is to learn how to behave like an adult. If you pay less attention to her needs now, not more, she will get there faster.
Robin Hartill is Penny Hoarder’s certified financial planner and senior author.Send your tough money questions to [email protected].
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