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In July 2022, I will be married for 30 years. My wife and I have not been intimate for over 10 years. We are both 58 years old.
I didn’t fall in love with her in almost half of our marriage. For the past 10 to 12 years, I’ve been telling her that I want a divorce. But I can’t get a divorce lawyer right now because I’ve been struggling to pay off hospital bills and other loans.
I have been disabled since near the end of 2016. My disability shows up more in my major depression and migraines. Stress usually causes my migraines.
When my father died, my siblings and I got an estate of about $100,000. My estate money paid off our house.
I am worried that if I go ahead with the divorce, I will be homeless. I’ve always hoped that my wife would leave instead of me, but I’m almost 100% sure she’s not going anywhere.
My wife and I have no more children living with us. Honestly, I can’t stand being around her anymore. Her voice drives me crazy when she talks to me. I just don’t want her to say anything to me.
Penny, I don’t know if I’m asking you for advice or what I’m really doing. I cry almost every day because I am so sad and lonely. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with myself? I don’t want to be homeless, but I don’t want to be sad and lonely anymore. Can you advise me what I need to do?
-E.
dear E,
For over a decade, you’ve been considering all possible scenarios for ending your marriage. In the midst of all this introspection, you’ve come to the conclusion that your only two options are to become homeless or stay in a loveless marriage forever. I don’t think reality is so black and white.
Divorce lawyer jobs don’t come cheap, but many offer free counseling. Use Google to find attorneys in your area who won’t charge you for the initial meeting. You can also search for legal aid societies near you to see if you qualify for reduced fee services. Give yourself a one-week deadline to make an appointment.
A lawyer cannot answer all the questions you ask during your initial consultation. But you will at least have an idea of how to divide your property in a divorce. Since you have a home paid off, you may be leaving with some home equity. This may require you to downsize significantly, but I don’t think you’ll be homeless.
If your debt exceeds the minimum payment, this is a rare moment to stop and make sense. If you go ahead with the divorce, you need to keep as much cash as possible so that you have the money to pay your attorney’s fees and get a separate home.
I can’t imagine your wife being happy in this marriage too. Maybe she wants you to be the one pulling the plug. But no matter how much you can’t stand it, I promise, if you can be nice, the divorce will be cheaper.you can often save money in divorce By working with a mediator instead of arguing in court. This might be a good option for you and your wife since you have no minor children.
It is also important to take care of your mental health. I recommend finding a therapist, even if it’s just a few sessions, as you’re considering a major life change.you can use it Open Path Psychotherapy Collective Depending on financial need, look for therapists who offer services at lower prices—usually $30 to $60 per session for an individual. (Note that you’ll pay a one-time $59 membership fee.) You can also find low-cost treatments from people trained to be clinicians, using Association of Mental Training Clinics website.
Since you’ve been contemplating divorce, taking the first step in arranging a consultation with an attorney may seem scary. Don’t try to figure out all the financial factors of this decision at once. Take this one step at a time, knowing that even a small step is a step in the right direction.
Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and senior writer for The Penny Hoarder.Send your tough money questions to [email protected].
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