[ad_1]
My family often asks my father for money. They cried and told him they would pay him back, but they never did. His pension and social security are very small. We talk about hundreds of thousands at a time.
He always succumbed, and then became angry when they didn’t pay back the money. Over the years, this has happened over and over again. He knew they would never give him back, but they manipulated him for more. He gave in because he didn’t want to be alone. Personally, I think he would be better alone. Who needs a family that repeatedly manipulates you?
Brother and sister #3 is a liar. She listed my father as the financial party responsible for her adult son’s dental bill. And he paid! The same sibling opened a credit card in his name and tricked him into paying utility bills and ex-husband’s bail.
Brother and sister No. 1 forged two personal checks, amounting to more than 6,000 U.S. dollars. She is a felon who stole more than $300,000 from clients in her previous job. This sibling also lives with our father. She has no job since she was released from prison, is receiving Medicaid, and is seeking disability to avoid paying compensation.
Brothers and sisters #4 work full time. He lied to our father to pay for his child support and also married a nurse.
My father’s ex-wife and the mother of four of us cheated him of thousands of dollars in real estate taxes in the house she inherited (paid in full) from our grandparents for several years in a row. She spent all the money of our grandparents. A few years ago, she even fell into a foreclosure situation. Brother and sister #3 lives with her.
I am brother #2. I have been married for 27 years and have two adult children, both college graduates. We have been managing our finances ourselves. We are the only people who have never asked my father for money.
Our father wanted to list me as his beneficiary in his bank account, but due to future problems with three siblings and ex-wife/mother, I hesitated. I will respect his wishes, but hope to avoid any future problems with these family members. The relationship between most people in this family has been broken and does not exist.
My husband and I tried to talk to my father about his anger at all the money. We seem to be the object of his complaint. He yelled at us, we are not the problem. Therefore, due to his behavior, our calls and visits with him have decreased.
I have explained that he did not help them through concessions. These people will never learn to dig out of their troubles. They will always find some fools to manipulate. Any suggestions?
-D.
Dear D.,
When you are not facing the prospect of being left alone, it is easy to tell someone that it is better for them to be alone. Remember, even the worst relationship is usually not 100% bad. I say this not to justify the terrible behavior of your brothers and sisters, but to encourage you to think about the source of your dad.
I will assume that your father is capable of making financial decisions, even if they are not good decisions. In some cases, when someone is unable to manage their funds, it is necessary to seek court-appointed guardianship, although this is usually the last resort.
Reducing contact with your father will only make him more vulnerable. The more lonely he feels, the more likely he is to lean toward other relationships, even if they are clearly abusive. In addition, the less time you have with your husband, the more opportunities your family will have to use his money to manipulate him.
Try to talk to your dad when he is calm. Tell him how frustrated he will be when you hate seeing his family take advantage of his kindness. Ask him to talk about ways to prevent this from happening again.
A relatively simple solution might be to persuade your father to freeze his credit. This may prevent your siblings or anyone else from using credit cards or loans in his name, although it certainly won’t prevent them from persuading him to use more sad stories to pay for cash.
It is recommended that your father meet with a lawyer to discuss how to protect his money. If your father makes you the sole beneficiary of any asset, then you expect the challenge to be correct, but a good lawyer can make his estate plan as sealed as possible. They may also suggest that your father appoint you or someone he trusts as a power of attorney to manage his money and other affairs when necessary.
Your father will probably reject your suggestion. This can be frustrating because you have seen the same pattern appear many times. If he refuses to make changes, tell him that you will not listen to him complaining about others taking advantage. If he starts screaming or cursing, tell him you won’t discuss this issue anymore. Try to shift the conversation to a neutral topic.
If he still refuses, please tell him you want to hang up or shorten the interview time. Assuming he has time to calm down, you will call back tomorrow.
Set a firm boundary. Make sure your father knows that you are in his camp-and you will not tolerate his abuse. If you can discuss the solution, you are willing to have this kind of dialogue.
Robin Hartill is Penny Hoarder’s certified financial planner and senior writer.Send your tough money questions to [email protected] Or chat with her Penny Hoarders Community.
[ad_2]
Source link
