Can I get rid of my rogue boyfriend and keep his house?

Dear Petunia,

I am not married, but I have been with my boyfriend for 16 years. We have two children and a house bought in his name seven years ago. He is very irresponsible for his credit and expenses.

A year and a half ago, he bought a food truck, but he had not driven it. For a year, he has been paying storage fees to park the trucks. About six months ago, he later decided to open a food truck restaurant and lounge. After making this decision, he quit his full-time job to pursue his dream of being a boss.

Soon after he signed the lease and paid more than US$5,000 a month to buy an empty building, the city government told him that he would not be able to operate the dining car at the location without adding some functions to the interior of the building (lounge). He has been repairing and renovating the building that still has no kitchen. He has not yet obtained approval from the city government to start the restaurant. He couldn’t afford it due to the high rent and management costs. I think he was not successful in this restaurant.

My main problem is that he did not try to work when the lounge was closed for renovations. He sleeps all day, and when I get home, he wants me to cook, clean, take care of him and finish school.

All housing expenses, including mortgages and utility bills, are borne by me, which makes me more and more stressed because I am busy with work every day and try to spare time to study.

I don’t think I want to stay in this relationship. Is there any way I can take over the mortgage of our family because it belongs to him? About a year ago, when interest rates started to fall, we tried to refinance the house, but his credit score was below 500, so this didn’t work.


Dear T,

It sounds like you have three children: two children and one boy. Not being in this relationship sounds like a very good goal.

Unless your boyfriend is willing to transfer the deed to you, you do not have any simple options to keep the house. This seems unlikely here, but if he agrees, you need to qualify as a lender based on your credit and income.

But there is a good side: your name is not on the mortgage, so your Credit score If you stop paying, you will not be affected.

You did not say whether you have savings. If you don’t, you may want to postpone the formal breakup and give yourself time to save the first and last month’s rent and the deposit for the new place. In order to free up cash, tell your boyfriend that you are no longer paying the mortgage.

All he can do is contact the lender about his choice. If he had bought a food truck a year and a half ago, it would be hard to imagine that the pandemic did not disrupt his plans. If he has directly or indirectly experienced financial difficulties due to COVID-19, and his mortgage is supported by the federal government—more than half of all mortgages in the United States are—he can still request a grace.

If he has an FHA, VA or USDA loan, the deadline for application is June 30. If his mortgage is backed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, there is no deadline to apply for tolerance. Even if his loan is not supported by the government, he can still ask the lender about his options. But he needs to solve this problem, not you.

Your situation sounds stressful. To be honest: dealing with this breakup may only increase short-term pressure. But focus on what you want your life to be like in a year or two. Once you close this chapter, how much do you think the stress of life will be reduced?

I know that leaving this home is frustrating, especially if you have already paid a lot of mortgages. But the money is gone, so don’t let it affect your future judgment. Obviously, you want to get rid of this relationship. Think about the price you paid in exchange for a new start.

Robin Hartill is Penny Hoarder’s certified financial planner and senior writer.Send your tough money questions to [email protected].

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